I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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