He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
