tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
