so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
