6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
