I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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