I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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