Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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