He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize