Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i love accidental penises.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
