Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
