That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My bed smells like the plague
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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