i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
