I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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