like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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