do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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