nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
