remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
