i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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