she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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