I met the friendliest cop last night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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