dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
