Jerry, you need to find god
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
