If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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