i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
