Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize