just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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