did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
