what day is it and did you see me today?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
