Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
