do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
