Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
