Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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