Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
