i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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