It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
