HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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