I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
