You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
