you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
