I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
