You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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