Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
