I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize