Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
