That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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