I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
