fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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