I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
