Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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