I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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