and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
