I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
