I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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