After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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