I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize