just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
