Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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