i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
