My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
