Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
