If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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