For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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